F.I.N.E.

Freaked Out

Insecure

Neurotic

Emotional

This was my toddler last night in BJJ

This is going to be an honest post. Yesterday was a tough day in BJJ. Sarah got headbutted and another parent caught it as he was closer to them at the time. She grew upset and was crying. Not loud screaming mommy I'm hurt crying. But emotionally upset. The thing is she didn't call after me or stop. She went after the kid and was starting to overpower. She used it and had such aggression and power which the instructor noticed. She choked out the first kid but later ran to me in tears. She was tired despite her two hour nap. And she was a very upset toddler. She obeyed and sat back on the mat.

But one fight later she was called up again because the little girl she fights showed up. She was in tears but came with aggression again. She was dominating. She was trying hard to push her. But she got tired. Laid on the mat. And gave up and cried. Emotion caught up to her despite the fact she was doing pretty good despite the tears. Javier called a break and she came running to me. 

She had just had it. She was done. And we let her have her moment this time. Javier asked her if she was ready a couple more times and she said no. After all she is just 3. I ended up calling JP to come and get her, and he held her for awhile as she teared up in his arms. 

But there are days we push her. We have bigger lessons in mind for this kid. I know there was a bigger lesson I also learned from this kid. No matter how we feel emotionally, power through and fight on. Don't runaway. Don't give up. The world doesn't stop because we are emotionally upset. Don't let anything in this world traumatized you or instill fear. 

Sarah did well her first match. Second match she hit a point where she didn't want to do anymore. She ran to me after. And sometimes we run into that in our lives. I know there are times where I felt beat up by life. Infertility was one. I hit a stage where I wanted to give up. But found myself at my Father's feet needing him. And perhaps that was Sarah last night after two long days out of her routine. But I'll be practicing with her this weekend and she's back on the mats on Monday. Because little does she know now but she's a fighter. Since the day she was born and in the NICU. Her body is already embedding BJJ techniques in her muscle memory. She can handle the older kids because she's starting to use technique. I have to accept that as her mom, I can't just protect her but have to teach to be self-sufficient (besides needing God). I have to teach her she can't use fear or emotion as an excuse to run away. And she already is doing more than what I know some adults. So for a 3 year old, she is doing pretty darn good. If she keeps trying and doesn't give, she will truly be Unstoppable for God to use.