(I LOVE THIS FACE)
Before Sarah turned 9 months she went through her 9 month sleep regression. Fortunately for me, she didn't want to get up and play, she was fully tired, but she just couldn't get her sleep. She has this little habit of looking for someone's hands to play with while she falls asleep. It's cute. Her tiny little hands either places my hand (or JP's) on her face, on her chest, or she just feels around the fingers and holds on tight. Sometimes it seems to go on forever and you think "come on kid fall asleep, I can't stay like this all night."
There was one night, after almost a week of her going through sleep regression that she was playing with my hands. As I almost started to get antsy, her little hands tightened their grip as if she knew I was going to try to pry away soon. I thought "Geez kid, I thought you'd know by now that I'm not going to leave you all alone, I'm in the next room listening for you." Then I heard it. That still small voice. I heard God tell me, "why don't you search for my hands like she does?" I replied, "what?"
And I got it. Often we think about the child-like faith; believing God can do whatever he wants. And yet I got chastised for not having a child like spirit. Sometimes we leave God in another room. Purposely or not purposely. He's still close by, we know he's there and not far away. But we don't cling to him as we should. And here was my daughter clinging to me. She wasn't scared. She wasn't in pain or teething. She just wanted "mum" in the same room with her, where she could see her, reach for her and feel her. Often we only cling to God when we are in need. And there was God asking me, "why don't you search for me like the way she does?" Which is pretty much all the time. So I got chastised. And I felt relieved. To know that God would correct me like that to draw me close...it gave me peace.
Sometimes it's easy to compare yourself to other Christians, or even just other people who do LESS than you. You can say at least I go to church, I pray, I read the Bible, I listen to a Christian radio station and TV. But is that enough? Is that really loving him and seeking him with all your heart, mind, soul and strength? One thing I've learned...there's always more you're supposed to do and if not in quantity, then in quality.
So thank you little Sarah Elizabeth for already being used by God to straighten up your mum.
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